How To Get A Girlfriend Step By Step

Today’s article is for men who want a long-term relationship with a woman that goes beyond just casual sex. Here’s how to get a girlfriend step by step…

1: Change Your Mindset

Beautiful Girlfriend

Get the girlfriend you want!

For a lot of men, getting a girlfriend is an intimidating challenge. For anyone who’s been knocked down in the field of love, the advice to get back up and try again is obvious, but not always easy to do. And for those men lacking confidence, the fear of rejection can be so powerful they would rather be lonely than risk having their fragile ego crushed.

In his book “How To Get A Girlfriend Faster: A Step By Step Guide” relationship advisor George B Green identifies mindset as the first barrier to overcome when trying to get a girlfriend. This is such fundamental advice that everything that follows is almost an afterthought. A lack of confidence or a fear of rejection can be such a powerful factor that even if you do everything else right, you can still end up staring failure in the face.

Insecurities and anxieties have a cannibalistic nature. They tend to stop you from acting and make you worry instead. The more you worry, the more powerful the anxieties become.

The real secret to overcoming them is to do the things you’re worrying about. Putting further attention on them or trying to overcome them on a purely mental level actually feeds them and gives them more force. If you refuse to accept the limitations that your anxieties impose on you, they’ll lose their power over you.

Of course, nobody learns to swim by diving into deep water from a great height. In step 3, I’ll show you how you can gently overcome these barriers little by little.

2: Become More Desirable

There are a number of qualities women find appealing in men; conversely, men who have not shared the company of women for a long time can be a little “rough around the edges.”

In this step, you don’t need to transform yourself into the next Casanova. The “pickup-artist” industry has pushed the idea that the only way to succeed with women is to become a “master of female manipulation”. I’ll go ahead and call B.S. on that right now. If you take an objective look at the world and human history, most men have managed to get into stable relationships without learning obscure techniques of psychological control.

In fact, most men manage to get a girlfriend…eventually…without any advice. Even the shy ones. There are women out there who want to get a boyfriend too, and most of them have no idea what they are doing either.

The whole point of this article is to give you an edge and help you get there quicker. So don’t believe anyone (including yourself) who tells you that you’re too shy, too ugly, too fat, too nerdy, too whatever, and you’ll never get a girlfriend.

I won’t recommend any “PUA” courses, but I did want to mention the Girlfriend Activation System as a genuinely good way to get a girlfriend without relying on the morally-questionable “female manipulation tactics” the pick-up artist industry has made famous. Really good stuff that can help you get the girl you want quickly. Here’s a great post that explains how it works:

Becoming desirable means eliminating the “rough edges” I alluded to earlier, and developing some attractive qualities. This can be as simple as improving your personal grooming and appearance, but it also goes much further. Typically, women are attracted to men who are successful and thriving in life, who have goals for the future, and who are confident, self-assured, and in control of their emotions.

If you have few interests, no real sense of direction or purpose in life (i.e. no “mission”), and no idea where you want to be in five or ten years’ time, it will be difficult for a woman to see you as the type of man she should commit to.

So take some time to take stock of your life and make some positive changes. This will make you feel better about yourself, and it will make you more attractive to women.

3: Become More Social

Before you can sweep a woman off her feet, you need to feel comfortable around her. Men who are too withdrawn may feel too nervous to even speak to a woman comfortably.

Overcoming this is easy as long as you take small steps, and don’t try to “dive straight into the deep end.” By socializing without added pressure or the fear of rejection, you can learn to interact and mingle comfortably with women. This is also a great way to develop better conversational and body language skills.

Socializing does not mean walking into a bar full of skeptical strangers and becoming the soul of the party in 20 seconds flat. Start out by spending more time with friends and people who share your interests. Attend functions, go where people like to have a good time, and talk to new people. Learn to say “Yes” when people ask you to hang out as this will open up a world of opportunities.

4: Start Dating Women

Dating is a chance to get to know the woman you are attracted to so you can both see if you’re compatible for something more. Going on a date with the idea that you must “win the girl” or instantly turn her into your girlfriend is too much pressure. It makes you desperate and almost always fails.

Instead, think of it as an extension of your socializing, but in a more intimate setting. Focus on having fun. Don’t be afraid to date lots of different women. At this point, you’re not in a committed relationship, so there’s nothing wrong with that.

Not only will it improve your social skills and make you more comfortable talking to women, but it will also greatly increase your chances of finding that one amazing girl you want to be your girlfriend. If you only ever take one woman out on a date, how will you know that she’s truly the best match for you?

There are plenty of dos and don’ts that apply to dating. In an article on WebMD, Tony Rehagen discusses many of the ways men shoot themselves in the foot with bad manners or social awkwardness. But the most important thing is to realize that any interest she may have for you is tentative at this point.

There’s a big difference between gently fanning the flames of her interest and putting them out by being too enthusiastic. By all means, show interest in her, but don’t smother her with over-the-top compliments or displays of devotion. Trying too hard is a sure way to kill the attraction.

The first date should be fairly casual so either of you can end it without too much awkwardness if it’s not going well. This is why women prefer to meet for coffee or a drink on the first date.

During the date, show interest in her opinions and what she wants to say and find some common interests. Don’t dominate the conversation or be passive, either. And for goodness sake, avoid any cheesy “flirting” double-entendre. All too often this comes across like bad lines from a 70s sex comedy, and it can be pretty repulsive.

At this stage, you’re trying to work out if you want to spend more time together, not seduce her or convince her to marry you!

If the date goes well, you can take things further on later dates.

5: Intimacy And Developing A Relationship

If you’ve found the right girl, and she likes you too, it’s only natural that you’ll want to spend more time together on future dates. Eventually, the time will come when you both realize you’re ready to take the next step, and you’ll need to escalate the relationship.

Often, but not always, this is around the third date. This is not set in stone or written in law – some people need to spend more time together before they’re ready to make a commitment, and others know almost immediately. If you’re serious about getting a girlfriend (i.e. you’re not just trying to get casual sex), then you shouldn’t try to rush the relationship, nor should you be overly passive to the point where she loses interest.

Every woman is different. Some women want to take things slow. Move too fast and you’ll scare her away. Other women like a man who knows what he wants and goes after it immediately. Wait too long to escalate the relationship with this type of woman and she’ll get bored and lose interest. This step often takes practice and may require dating lots of different women until you learn how to properly read her signals.


The secret of getting a girlfriend step by step is not to pick a random attractive girl and then use the power of seduction, personality, and persuasion to make her yours. Very few men have this “power”, and it’s unlikely this approach will lead to a happy, long-term relationship.

It boils down to finding someone who you like and who likes you, and then spending the time to let that attraction grow into love. It’s nowhere near as difficult as you may think; with so many women looking for boyfriends, it’s almost inevitable that it will happen for you without help at some point. But if you follow the steps in this article or follow a proven process like the one outlined in the Girlfriend Activation System, you can make it happen sooner.


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